Formby Counselling

Certified Imago Therapist for Couples in Liverpool

2025-12-07T18:42:05Z

The wait is finally over and I did it! I’m excited to share with you that I have achieved my dream and am now a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist! It started as a tiny whisper of an idea back in March 2022 and quickly grew into a consuming passion to help couples.

I’ve had my own personal experiences of heartache and heartbreak in relationships, however, this certification represents hundreds of hours of specialised training in relationship therapy that has profoundly changed the way I view conflict, connection, and love itself.

This isn’t just about hanging a new certificate on the wall. It’s about bringing a deeper, more structured, and more transformative set of communication tools into my private practice to help couples move out of being in constant power struggles into conscious, healing connections with each other.

In this post, I want to explain what this means for couples and individuals here in Formby and the wider Liverpool area seeking relationship counselling.

What is Imago Therapy?

Imago Relationship Therapy (developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt) is designed to identify and work with deeper patterns in relationships, particularly those rooted in childhood experiences.

The core principles of Imago Therapy focus on the idea of the "Imago" which is an unconscious image of familiar love formed during childhood based on interactions with our parents and early caregivers.

Here’s how Imago Therapy identifies deeper patterns:

Unconscious Attraction: The theory suggests that we are unconsciously attracted to partners who have both the positive and negative behaviours of our childhood caregivers. This is known as the "Imago-Match."
Re-enacting Childhood Wounds: This unconscious choice of partner is believed to set the stage for re-creating familiar, often unresolved, experiences from our childhoods. Current relationship conflicts are viewed as an opportunity to identify and heal these old, unmet childhood needs and emotional wounds.
The Power Struggle: Imago Therapy views recurring conflicts and arguments in adult relationships (the "Power Struggle" phase) not as a sign of incompatibility, but as the manifestation of these deeper, unconscious patterns attempting to resolve our past experiences.
Structured Dialogue: The central technique, the Imago Dialogue, is a structured communication process (involving mirroring, validation, and empathy) that helps couples slow down their reactive patterns and move from blaming and defensiveness to understanding the unmet needs and historical triggers that fuel their arguments.

In short, the main goal of Imago Therapy is to shift couples from unconscious reactions to conscious responses by illuminating the familiar, historical emotional patterns that drive their current interactions.

How This Benefits You

As a Certified Imago Therapist, I can offer you:

Structured Communication Tools – Learn the Imago Dialogue, a powerful technique that helps couples truly hear each other without defensiveness or conflict escalating.

Deeper Understanding – Discover why certain issues keep repeating in your relationship and how to break these cycles.

Healing Through Connection – Transform your relationship wounds into opportunities for growth and deeper intimacy.

Who Can Benefit? Imago Therapy works wonderfully for couples in Formby, Southport, Liverpool, and surrounding areas who are:

Experiencing frequent arguments or communication breakdown
Feeling disconnected from their partner
Wanting to strengthen an already good relationship
Considering separation but hoping to reconnect first

If you're looking for couples counselling or relationship therapy in Formby or Liverpool, I'd love to help you rediscover the connection you're seeking with each other, and I'm passionate about bringing these evidence-based techniques to our local community.

Psychotherapy and neuroscience: a love story

2025-08-29T07:02:32Z

This is me on 30th July 2025 at my graduation ceremony at King’s College London proudly receiving my Post-Graduate Diploma in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health. 🤓

That amazing, inspiring and wonderful day in my life followed a long and difficult journey that taught me not only how to succeed academically, but also gave me resilience to never give up on my hopes, dreams and goals for my life.

It was truly wonderful to be able to walk across the stage wearing my (often heavy) graduation gown to receive my Post-Graduate Diploma knowing that I had earned my place and belong to the King’s College London community (which I still sometimes find hard to believe even now).

Seeing all the other graduates that day walking across the stage inspired me knowing they, too, had endured and overcome their own individual journeys to be there.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu was quoted by one of the professors during the ceremony:

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.

It is my hope that the work I do at Formby Counselling will bring that ‘little bit of good’ that I feel I do together with the work of others that will overwhelm the world with good.

My qualification studied the space between psychology and neuroscience and taught me that a better understanding of how both these subjects work together can improve mental health.

The course gave me a sense of curiosity and fascination for neuroscience and how this could be integrated into my private practice as a psychotherapist at Formby Counselling.

A few photos from my graduation day.

psychotherapy and neuroscience

Let’s take a look now and dig a little deeper into the enduring love story between psychotherapy and neuroscience.

Once upon a time more than a century ago, psychotherapy and neuroscience met and went on a first date together in 1895. They were instantly attracted to each other and made a connection that can be traced back to the work of a neurologist who later became a psychotherapist.

This was Dr Sigmund Freud whom we all can recognise now. The prospective partners got on really well with each other and promised to keep seeing each other and strengthening their initial connection in Freud’s unpublished article called Project for a Scientific Psychology in 1895. This article attempted to explain psychodynamic therapy concepts such as unconscious processes, early childhood experiences, and internal conflicts using a neurological framework.

Sigmund Freud. Photo from Wikimedia

However, after the initial ‘chemistry’ between psychotherapy and neuroscience, their love and connection for each other began to weaken as the technology of the time could not bridge the gap successfully between psychology of the mind with neurology of the brain, so the partners drifted apart and remained separated for most of the 20th century after Freud abandoned his innovative project altogether.

Despite the break-up of a very promising connection, Freud held a life-long hope that one day in the future psychotherapy and neuroscience would be reunited once neuroscience technological advances such as brain imaging techniques like functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and positron emission tomography (PET) became widely available making it possible for the structure and activity of our brains to be observed in real-time (neurofeedback that uses real-time displays of brain activity most commonly using electroencephalography (EEG)).

When the close partners of psychotherapy and neuroscience parted ways and separated in Freud’s era, these technical neuroscientific advances were only exciting almost ‘magical’ possibilities still the best part of a century away from becoming real that Freud could only dream about.

As we all know, the greatest love stories never truly end as the real love connection between psychotherapy and neuroscience never died. These perfectly matched partners endured the technological challenges of the 20th century and finally reunited in the 1990’s through the pioneering research of Dr Eric Kandel, an Austrian-born American medical doctor who specialised in psychiatry and was also a neuroscientist. Kandel’s work showed the psychological concepts of learning and memory are powered by neurological changes in electrical connections (synapses) between brain cells (neurons).

In the words so beautifully sung by the late Etta James, ‘At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song’, and, at last, there was solid neurobiological proof to validate and celebrate the positive relationship between psychotherapy and neuroscience. At last, we finally understood how ‘talk therapy’ could actually create long-lasting structural and behavioural changes in our brains known as neuroplasticity which is one of the most exciting bridges between neuroscience and mental health treatment.

Once reunited, the perfectly compatible partners of psychotherapy and neuroscience continued to grow stronger in their relationship following the birth of neuropsychotherapy in the early 2000’s due to the work of Professor Dr. Klaus Grawe, a German psychologist and neuroscientist who laid the foundations for combining psychotherapy with a neuroscientific understanding of our brains.
The enduring love connection between perfectly matched partners of neuroscience and psychotherapy continued into the dawning of the 21st century as they celebrated the new Millenium firmly back together. The complementary and positive relationship between these partners has continued to shape modern mental health care in powerful ways today.

Psychotherapy provides healing through talking about problems and difficulties to focus on and gain emotional and behavioural changes, cognitive restructuring (changing thought patterns), relationship dynamics (patterns of behaviour and interactions between people), coping strategies and psychological resilience that strengthens neural/brain cell networks linked with executive function (helps us plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks successfully) and stress tolerance.

Psychotherapy is the perfectly matched partner with neuroscience which gives us knowledge of brain structure and function, how neurochemical messengers in our brains create and change our emotions, thoughts and behaviours, how our brains are constantly changing and growing through knowledge gained from previous experiences, (neuroplasticity which is the brain’s ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural/brain cell connections, strengthen or weaken existing neural connections based on experience, recover from injury or adapt to new learning), how psychotherapy can lead to physical and functional changes in the brain through neuroplasticity, and an understanding of the biological ‘bookmarks’ for mental health conditions.

Essentially, neuroscience sheds light on why psychotherapy works such as how talking about trauma, re-experiencing it in our bodies in small amounts of time that we can control and cope with in a safe and structured psychotherapeutic setting can reduce over-activity in the amygdala area of our brains which can be seen on fMRI brain imaging that shows changes in the activity of our brain structures. Psychotherapy can also be meaningfully ‘matched’ with other supportive partners such as neurofeedback, mindfulness (paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and without judgment) or pharmacological support (taking GP prescribed anti-depressant or anti-anxiety/anxiolytic medications).

Psychotherapists who are informed by a knowledge of neuroscience may better understand neurodiversity (autism, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), developmental stages in childhood, attachment (how close bonds with parents/caregivers are formed in childhood and how obstacles/interruptions can change these close bonds), and how trauma can change brain development.

This appreciation of neuroscience can encourage hope and motivation empowering psychotherapists and clients to know change is not just possible, it’s physical.

Don’t let Anxiety scam you!

2025-03-03T00:00:00Z

The experience of overwhelming anxiety is like being cold-called by a salesperson, let’s say on a Saturday evening at home, when you are otherwise feeling all relaxed, you’ve just made yourself a coffee or poured yourself that cheeky gin & tonic or fruity cider, whilst keenly searching Netflix looking for your next binge-watch.

Then suddenly piercing the serenity of your cosy living room is the shrill, high-pitched melodic ringtone and the ominous announcement of ‘unknown caller’ on your phone.

Your brain is like an old-fashioned switchboard operator (pre-frontal cortex part of your brain) who answers the cold-call, analyses and registers the potential danger that this is not in fact a family member or friend calling, so the operator automatically diverts and connects the cold-caller to your amygdala through an electrical circuit to the part of your brain that controls fear and anxiety.

Your amygdala then triggers a series of stress responses or nervous system arousals that connect your brain, spinal cord, and body in preparation for danger and during danger. When these responses are triggered, your body reacts with very uncomfortable symptoms like increased heart rate, heightened surveillance looking for other possible dangers, release of a hormone called adrenaline that helps your body prepare for stress, tunnel vision, flushing, sweating, racing thoughts, and the feeling of dread.

The salesperson cold-calling you from a company called ‘Anxiety Ltd’ reads out a familiar script to your amygdala only giving you three survival options: fight, flee or freeze. Fear and terror caused by the unexpected Anxiety Ltd cold-caller feels exactly the same physically as fear and terror caused by REAL dangerous situations – the physical reactions and bodily sensations feel the same.

Fig.1 - The amygdala shown in red.

Don’t be fooled or scammed!

Your anxiety wants to trick you into believing you must run away, avoid or ‘flee’ whatever it is that is making you feel anxious! Out-smart the cold-caller interrupting your Netflix night in and get clever.

The trick is simply to know, learn, expect and accept without opinion or judgement that a cold-caller from Anxiety Ltd WILL call everybody regularly throughout our lifetimes often when we are least expecting it.

This is because we ALL experience the feeling of anxiety that, actually, can be very useful at times warning us when we are really in danger.

If you have been trying to avoid feeling anxious, this will most likely have made you feel more anxious and you might even be feeling afraid and anxious about feeling anxious! The trick is to learn that it can be OK to answer that cold-caller – don’t ignore or avoid the call.

The more times you answer the cold-caller, the less sensitive you can become towards experiencing anxiety. Eventually, after lots of perseverance and practice like anything in life, you can become more comfortable in your own skin as you learn to experience manageable amounts of anxiety in the present moment without becoming overwhelmed by it.

Book an appointment with me at Formby Counselling's contact page to start your journey to change the way you feel about anxiety – it can be your friend rather than your enemy.

Image Credits

Featured image: "Scam" by Markus Winkler, Unsplash.
Figure 1: "Amygdala" by Unknown, Wikimedia Commons (CC0 1.0).
Body image: "Sunshine personalities" by Museums Victoria, Unsplash.

Walk and Talk Ecotherapy

2023-04-05T00:00:00Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

Tell us a bit more about what walk and talk therapy is?

Walk and talk therapy, also known as eco-therapy, involves conducting therapy sessions while walking in nature. It’s a form of therapy that combines the benefits of exercise and being in nature with the benefits of traditional psychotherapy.

Can you tell us more about the benefits of walk and talk eco-therapy?

There are many benefits to this form of therapy. First, walking and being in green spaces in nature has been shown to have a positive impact on mental health and helps to regulate physiological systems in our bodies. Being outdoors can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, and improve overall mood.

For many clients, having therapy outdoors can feel a lot less intimidating simply because they are often walking side-by-side with their therapist instead of sitting face-to-face under the gaze of their therapist in a room.

This is particularly helpful for clients who find it difficult to form close relationships or talk about their feelings or emotions due to experiencing dissociation.

Feeling ‘dissociated’ means feeling disconnected from your feelings, emotions, memories, sensations in your body, and the world around you. Most commonly, people dissociate as a reaction to experiencing distressing or traumatic events both in childhood and in later life that they were unable to control or stop happening.

Hayley Marshall, a TA psychotherapist who has been working outdoors with clients for the past 16 years, describes the therapeutic outdoor space as a “living third” with “the therapeutic practitioner allowing oneself to be shaped by the ecological third.” Marshall wrote “it is important not to go looking for or trying to set the stage (outdoors).

Rather, one needs to tune in with an ecological receiver that has access to the particulars of the client’s unconscious and the happenings of the place, eventually speaking to the (therapy) process from there.”

Interestingly, Marshall created the word “eco-dissociation” and wrote “in eco-dissociation the person actively seeks an animate (living) place of refuge, that is, an actual place to mediate experiences of a traumatic or troubling human environment.”

Do you think this kind of therapy is suitable for everyone?

Walk and talk eco-therapy can be suitable for most clients. Obviously, It’s important to take into account a client’s physical abilities and any potential limitations before recommending walk and talk eco-therapy.

How does walk and talk eco-therapy differ from traditional psychotherapy?

Well, traditional psychotherapy typically takes place in a therapy room, which can feel intimidating and pressured for some clients. Walk and talk eco-therapy, on the other hand, takes place outdoors in nature, which can help clients feel more relaxed and open.

Additionally, being outdoors offers many welcomed sensory ‘distractions’ such as the sounds of birdsong and the flapping of wings, the sudden appearances of other animals such as ducks marching in a line by a stream, the wind in the trees, changes in weather, and also other people walking by the therapist and client. All of these non-verbal distractions can be used metaphorically and imaginatively to make meanings for the client’s experiences in the past and the present, also becoming part of the therapy process.

Marshall encourages eco-therapists to ask their clients, “What is alive here?” in what she described as “the intense magic of the outdoor encounter.” Being outside in nature increases both the therapist and client’s ability for reflective thinking and reverie or being lost in pleasant thoughts and daydreams inducing a sense of calm.

What kind of issues can be addressed through walk and talk eco-therapy?

Walk and talk eco-therapy can be helpful for a variety of issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, and relationship issues. The ways that clients behave and interact with the outdoor space and with their therapists outdoors in nature may be reflective of the ways they interact in other relationships in their lives. For example, some clients may walk much faster than their therapist or hold back, walking slowly behind, rather than always side-by-side.

It is important for eco-therapists to be aware of the feelings and emotions they feel whilst outdoors with their clients as these can give useful therapeutic information. This is called counter-transference.

Being in nature can help clients gain perspective on their problems and find new solutions. Marshall wrote “we work from the position of humans being among all kinds of others rather than being at the centre of things, working not just in or from but through an ecological space.”

Tell me about where you conduct your walk and talk eco-therapy sessions?

I conduct my walk and talk eco-therapy sessions near Formby beach and nature reserve, which is just a few minutes away from my therapy rooms. It’s a beautiful and peaceful location that’s perfect for this type of therapy.

How can individuals book a session with you?

Individuals can contact me directly to schedule a session. I offer a free 10-minute telephone consultation for clients who are interested in learning more about walk and talk eco-therapy and how it can help them.

Overcoming Anxiety with TA therapy

2023-04-01T20:56:44Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

What is your experience working with people who are dealing with anxiety?

Clients with anxiety experience symptoms both in the mind and the body. Initially, the somatic bodily symptoms dominate clients who may have previously consulted medical doctors and specialists before coming for psychotherapy – often as a last resort.

The client’s experience of the somatic and sensory symptoms are explored in therapy first with the discussion focusing on the part of the body which is ‘anxious’ and attempting to understand the ‘language’ or hidden message the symptom(s) is trying to communicate to the client.

The therapist is attempting to build bridges between the symptoms in the client’s body by encouraging them to use metaphorical and imaginative descriptions from their mind to verbalise the emotional experiences contained in the symptoms found in the body.

This removes the fear and avoidance of symptoms found in the client’s body replacing these with curiosity to discover when symptoms first appeared and what was happening in the client’s early life and relationships at the time. The body is no longer an enemy in TA therapy but a vital source of information.

In TA (Transactional Analysis) therapy, a person develops a Life Story or Script written early in life using the childhood messages received from their parents about how to live their lives and how to gain love and acceptance in relationships.

With anxiety, the body gives therapists important ‘clues’ to understanding clients’ life scripts. In the emerging therapeutic relationship between myself and my clients, I begin to notice the feelings I experience in my own body whilst working with clients which can also give important ‘clues’ to help clients verbalise traumatic experiences. This is called counter-transference.

Could you explain more how TA therapy can help with anxiety?

As well as Life Scripts, in TA (Transactional Analysis) therapy the personality is made up of three parts or ego-states, Parent, Adult and Child.

The Parent ego-state is formed from the underlying beliefs and injunctions or messages we learned as children from our parents or significant people, the Adult ego-state is the logical part that makes decisions in the present moment based on facts, and the Child part is formed from our actual childhood experiences and interactions with our parents and other significant people who cared for us.

Anxiety is often manifested or ‘remembered’ in the bodies of clients as a result of traumatic experiences or dysfunctional relationships with parents or caregivers early in life. It can also arise when a client may have tried unsuccessfully in childhood to comply with a parent’s negative instructions or messages in order to be loved and accepted, for example, “Be Strong/Be Perfect/Do Your Best” and they may have carried it with them into later life.

In TA therapy, clients can learn to ‘make friends’ with their bodies and understand how their often negative Life Scripts written in early childhood have impacted their lives emotionally and physically in their bodies. This new-found knowledge empowers the Adult ego-state to make new decisions about the lives they want to lead and enables clients to be compassionate towards themselves.

What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with anxiety?

The first piece of advice I would give is to seek support. Whether it’s through talking with friends and family, joining a support group, or seeking the help of a qualified therapist, it’s important to have a support system in place to help you manage your symptoms and guards against feeling socially isolated.
The second piece of advice is to practise self-care. This means taking care of your physical health through exercise, eating a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep, as well as engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Are there other strategies that you use in therapy to help individuals deal with anxiety?

Yes, another technique is to use mindfulness to help clients become more present in the moment and develop greater self-awareness and acceptance of their thoughts and emotions. We might use techniques such as meditation or deep breathing exercises to help clients feel more grounded and calm.

How long does treatment for anxiety typically last, and when should someone consider seeking professional help?

The length of treatment for anxiety can vary depending on the client and the severity of their symptoms. However, research has shown that TA therapy can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety through greater self-awareness.

It’s important to seek professional help if someone is experiencing symptoms of anxiety that are interfering with their daily life.

This might include symptoms such as persistent worry, fear or panic attacks, avoidance of certain situations or activities, or physical symptoms such as trembling, sweating, or rapid heartbeat.

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in helping clients deal with anxiety?

One challenge is that anxiety can be a very individual experience, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to tailor the therapy to the client’s specific needs and circumstances.

Another challenge is that anxiety can be a very complex issue, and there may be underlying factors such as trauma or medical conditions that need to be addressed in order to fully manage symptoms.

It’s important to take a holistic approach and work with the client to identify and address all the factors that may be contributing to their anxiety.

Yes, even though anxiety is increasing in our changing society, it is a common and treatable condition.

With the right support and tools, it’s possible to manage and overcome anxiety and live a fulfilling life. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety, and remember that you’re not alone.

Dealing with Depression through TA Therapy

2023-03-29T00:00:00Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

Introduction

I’m a psychotherapist working around Formby near Liverpool in the UK and I also cover Southport, Ormskirk, Skelmersdale, Wigan too.

What is your experience of working with people coping with depression?

Clients with depression have often lost themselves in their efforts to please and meet other people’s needs over and above their own needs in order to feel loved and accepted. In TA (Transactional Analysis), the personality is made up of three parts or ego-states, the Parent, Adult and Child. The Parent ego-state is split into Critical Parent and Nurturing Parent and the Child ego-state is split into Adapted Child and Free Child.)

Depressed clients were often taught as children to be perfect and achieve very high standards to be loved and accepted by their parents. In later life, their Parent ego-states have developed dysfunctionally with too much self-criticism and not enough nurturing or self-love.

Depressed clients often learned as children to take care of others whilst neglecting themselves so that in later life, their Child ego-states have become disproportionately over-adapted to constantly please others losing their Free Child’s ability to be spontaneous, playful, and joyful about living life.

Depressed clients often feel anger both towards themselves and other people without fully understanding the reasons why, they suffer from low self-esteem and are often characteristically passive in their relationships and decision-making.

These symptoms often stem from being taught as children to minimise their own needs, always putting others’ needs first, and being taught to be overly-dependent on others for love and reassurance. The anger depressed clients feel is often due to their Adult ego-states lacking the confidence and ability to make independent decisions about their own lives, so they are often actually frightened to come for therapy.

Could you explain how Transactional Analysis therapy can help with depression?

It is the therapist’s job to provide a healthy Nurturing Parent to compensate for the client’s dominant Critical Parent ego-state. During the course of the growing caring, accepting, safe, empathic and confidential therapeutic relationship between the therapist and the depressed client, the unmet childhood need of the client to be loved and accepted unconditionally without needing to take care of the therapist will allow for the client’s Free Child to be playful and learn that life is worth living.

It is crucially important for the therapist to allow the client to openly admit to any suicidal thoughts and to make a no-suicide contract and safety plan with the client to keep them safe.

Gradually, as the depressed client’s unmet Child ego-state needs for love and acceptance are met by a nurturing therapist, their characteristic defences of resistance to change, lack of trust and passivity in relationships will begin to dwindle.

It is then possible to explore the reasons for their depression which in TA therapy will include identifying the early childhood injunctions or messages received from parents such as, ‘Don’t Be, Don’t Be Close, Don’t Trust, Don’t Be You, Don’t Feel, and Don’t Make It’. These unconscious childhood messages received from parents will have written the depressed client’s Life Story or Script defining whether they live their lives as winners or losers – as happy or depressed people.

Awareness that depressed clients were given a depressed Life Script to follow by their parents or carers in childhood, allows them to activate their under-developed Adult ego-states to make new decisions about the lives they want to live now, and to decide to love and take care of themselves without feeling like they are being selfish.

Erich Fromm, the German social psychologist said in 1967, “If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too; if he can love only others, he cannot love at all.”

What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with depression?

Seek support. Whether it’s through talking with friends and family, joining a support group, or seeking the help of a qualified therapist, it’s important to have a support system in place to help you manage your symptoms. Psychotherapy for depression primarily allows depressed clients to know in their heads and feel in their hearts that life is worth living, and to know that depression never comes ‘out of the blue’ but that there are always reasons for every depression that can be found in therapy.
Listen to yourself to find out what you really want from your relationships.
Take care of your physical health. This means getting regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep. These lifestyle changes can help improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression.

Are there other techniques you use in therapy to help individuals deal with depression?

Another technique is to use mindfulness to help clients develop greater self-awareness and acceptance of their emotions. We might use techniques such as meditation or breathing exercises to help clients become more present in the moment and develop a greater sense of peace and calm.

How long does treatment for depression typically last, and when should someone consider seeking professional help?

The length of treatment for depression can vary depending on the client and the severity of their symptoms. However, research has shown that TA therapy can be effective in reducing symptoms of depression.

It’s important to seek professional help if someone is experiencing symptoms of depression that are interfering with their daily life. This might include symptoms such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, changes in sleep or appetite, or thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in helping clients deal with depression?

One challenge is that depression can be a very individual experience, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to tailor the therapy to the client’s specific needs and circumstances.

Another challenge is that depression can be a very complex issue, and there may be underlying factors such as trauma or medical conditions that need to be addressed in order to effectively treat the depression.

Do you have any final thoughts or advice for those who may be dealing with depression?

Depression is a common and treatable condition. It’s important to seek support and treatment if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, and to remember that you are not alone. With the right support and tools, it’s possible to manage and overcome depression and live a fulfilling life.

Beating Addiction with Transactional Analysis

2023-03-29T00:00:00Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

Introduction

I’m Alison, a trained psychotherapist. I run Formby Counselling near Liverpool in the UK. I have my therapy rooms there which are also available to rent by other counsellors. I also cover Southport, Ormskirk, Skelmersdale, Wigan, Warrington, St Helens, Prescot. Being close to the beach and a beautiful nature reserve I also offer “Walk and talk” eco-therapy.

Could you tell us your experience helping people with addiction?

I’ve found that using Transactional Analysis (TA) has been particularly effective in helping people overcome their addiction.

Could you explain what Transactional Analysis is and how it can help with addiction?

Transactional Analysis is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on our relationships and interactions with others, based on the idea that the personality is made up of three parts or ego-states called the Parent, Adult and Child. TA helps us understand the underlying beliefs and injunctions or messages we learned as children from our parents or significant people that drive our behaviour as adults. In the case of addiction, we use TA to help identify the underlying issues that may be contributing to the addiction.

What kind of underlying issues are you talking about?

Eric Berne, the founder of TA in the 1960’s, often said, “Drugs are instead of people.” TA therapists view addictions as solutions or coping mechanisms to ‘people problems’ or problems with our daily interactions or relationships with other people.

Through TA, we can help clients identify what their ‘people problems’ are that lead to addictions, and work through them in a healthier way. In TA, examples of the most common ‘people problems’ that clients are using addictions to attempt to solve are:

How to get positive strokes or recognition from other people – the part of the client’s personality called the Child uses addictions to feel accepted and a sense of belonging in a group of other addicts. This is a way of coping with injunctions or messages clients are given by their parents and other significant figures in childhood, for example “Don’t be yourself” and “Don’t think”.
How to avoid getting positive strokes – the client’s Child part of their personality uses addictions to soothe and calm themselves as a way of coping with childhood messages such as “Don’t be close”, “Don’t trust” and “Don’t be around (get lost)”.
How to avoid feelings – the client’s Child part of their personality uses addictions to feel ‘something’ as a way of coping with childhood messages such as “Don’t feel emotions”. This message often causes an inability to feel emotions or body sensations.
How to get love and protection from Mum – the client’s Child uses addictions to practically live out their life plan or script that their parents taught them to live as children – to be self-destructive.
How to remain dependent – the client’s Child uses addictions to stay in a ‘one-down’ or ‘less than’ position often in response to the childhood message of “Don’t grow up”.

Could you walk us through what a typical TA session for addiction might look like?

In a TA session, we would first establish a safe and comfortable environment for the client to talk about their addiction. We would then use a variety of techniques, such as active listening, to help the person identify their underlying issues. For example, we might ask questions like, “When did you first start using drugs or alcohol? What was going on in your life at that time?”

We will also talk about the TA concepts of ego states, transactions, and life scripts to help the client understand their patterns of behaviour and communication. For example, someone who is using drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with stressful relationships or life circumstances, will be operating primarily from their “Child” ego state, which is impulsive, emotional, and seeks love and acceptance from other people.

Through TA, we can help them develop their “Adult” ego state, which is rational and logical, and learn new coping skills that are more effective in the present, instead of outdated ones from childhood.

How does TA help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms?

Through TA, we can help clients identify their negative patterns of behaviour and communication, and work to change those patterns. For example, someone who is using drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism may learn new Adult coping skills, such as mindfulness, living in the present moment, and becoming more self-aware of how the messages learned unconsciously in childhood no longer serve the same purposes in their adult lives now.

We also work on developing positive communication skills so that clients can express their emotions in a healthy way.

In addition, TA can help clients develop a more positive sense of self and identity. Many people who struggle with addiction have a negative self-image and feel powerless to change. Through TA, we can help them develop a more positive and empowered sense of self, which can make it easier to overcome their addiction.

Have you seen success with this method?

I’ve seen many people overcome their addictions and go on to live healthy, fulfilling lives. Of course, it’s not a quick fix, and it requires a lot of commitment and dedication from both the client and the therapist. But the results can be life-changing.

One of the reasons that TA can be so effective for addiction is that it focuses on the whole person, not just the addiction itself. By addressing the underlying issues and helping the person develop healthier coping mechanisms and communication skills, we can help them create a more fulfilling and satisfying life overall.

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in using TA for addiction?

One challenge is that addiction can be a very powerful force, and it can be difficult for clients to overcome on their own. It can also be difficult for clients to confront their underlying issues and the emotions that may be driving their addiction.

However, within the context of a safe, confidential, empathic, healing, equal, I’m OK/you’re OK therapeutic relationship, it’s possible to overcome these challenges and make real progress.

What advice would you give to someone struggling with addiction and considering help?

I would encourage them to reach out for help as soon as possible. Addiction is a complex issue, and it can be difficult to overcome on your own. Seeking the help of a qualified therapist who is trained in TA can provide the support and guidance needed to make real progress.

I would also encourage clients to be patient with themselves and the process. Recovery takes time and dedication, and it’s important to celebrate small victories along the way.

Coping with Loss, Grief and Bereavement

2023-03-26T00:00:00Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

Introduction

I’m Alison, a trained psychotherapist. I run Formby Counselling near Liverpool in the UK. I have my therapy rooms there which are also available to rent by other counsellors.

I also cover Southport, Ormskirk, Skelmersdale, Wigan, Warrington, St Helens, Prescot. Being close to the beach and a beautiful nature reserve I also offer “Walk and talk” eco-therapy.

What’s your experience helping people to cope with loss?

Many clients come to therapy after experiencing major losses in their lives through death, relationship breakdown and divorce, failing health and lost jobs, homes, and pets.

The German psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Fritz Perls, said that working with grief and loss was primarily about unfinished business and he pioneered the use of the Gestalt therapy empty-chair technique with clients in the 1960’s.

What is the empty-chair technique is and how it can help with grief?

I have an empty chair in the therapy room facing the client, and I ask them to imagine, for example, the person they have lost sitting in the empty chair. I ask the client to describe their feelings to the lost person and say the things they, perhaps, never got the chance to say before the loss.

Fritz Perls said that the resolution of grief and loss involves expressing both old resentments and appreciations about the lost person, as it is the unexpressed love, gratitude, admiration, appreciation, anger and resentments that creates the unfinished business of long-term, protracted grief.

Some clients find it difficult to imagine the lost person sitting in the chair and imagining talking to them because they fear the lost person might have rejected them or made fun of them.

For these clients, I ask them to tell me what they didn’t get the chance to say to the lost person as a way to resolve the unfinished business of grief in the therapeutic relationship between myself and the client.

What advice would you give to someone who is coping with loss or grief?

The first piece of advice I would give is to allow yourself to feel the whole range of your emotions. Grief is a natural process of life and human relationships, and it’s important to give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, resentment, love, gratitude, admiration, and appreciation as they arise.

The second piece of advice is to seek support. Whether it’s through talking with friends and family, joining a support group, or seeking the help of a qualified therapist, it’s important to have a support system in place to help you navigate the grieving process.

Are there any other techniques you’ve used in therapy to help with grief?

Another technique is to use mindfulness to help clients develop greater self-awareness and acceptance of the whole range of their emotions.

We might use techniques such as meditation or breathing exercises to help clients become more present in the moment and develop a greater sense of peace and calm. It is so important for grieving clients to simply tell their individual stories of loss and be heard and validated.

How long does the grieving process typically last, and when should someone seek help?

The grieving process is different for everyone, and there’s no set timeline for how long it lasts.

However, long-term, protracted grief can cause a person to emotionally withdraw from relationships, frequent bouts of irritability or anger, an inability to feel any emotions at all, confusion, obsessional thoughts, a fear of losing control, depression, indifference, and anxiety. It is important to seek therapy particularly in this type of grief.

What challenges have you encountered in helping clients cope with grief?

One challenge is that grief can be a very individual process, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s important to tailor the therapy to the client’s specific needs and circumstances.

Another challenge is that grief can be a very painful and difficult process, and it can be hard to confront the emotions that arise, and also for clients to make significant meanings out of losses. However, within the safe, confidential, empathic, therapeutic relationship between clients and their therapists, it’s possible
to work through these challenges and to make meaning out of grief and loss.

Personally, I find the lyrics to Duran Duran’s song ‘Ordinary World’ so meaningful when processing my own grief and losses, as it was written as a tribute to the lead singer, Simon Le Bon’s friend who passed away in 1986.

These words, ‘Still I can’t escape the ghost of you’ and ‘There’s an ordinary world, somehow I have to find’ have always so moved me emotionally, as I feel the unfinished business of grief is also about finding a new ‘normal’ life after loss.

Imago Therapy: helping couples improve their relationship.

2023-03-19T00:00:00Z

The article below is a version of the video interview I gave above.

Introduction

I’m Alison, a trained psychotherapist. I run Formby Counselling near Liverpool in the UK. I have my therapy rooms there which are also available to rent by other counsellors. I also cover Southport, Ormskirk, Skelmersdale, Wigan, Warrington, St Helens, Prescot.

Being close to the beach and a beautiful nature reserve I also offer “walk and talk” eco-therapy.

What’s Imago therapy?

Imago therapy is a type of couples therapy that focuses on helping couples resolve conflicts and improve their relationship by understanding each other’s needs and communicating effectively.

It is based on the idea that we all have an unconscious image of our ideal partner, and that this image influences our behaviour and communication in our relationships.

How did Imago therapy come about?

Imago therapy was developed by Harville Hendrix, a therapist and author, in the 1980s. He was inspired by his own struggles in his relationship, and he found that traditional therapy was not helping him and his wife communicate effectively.

He began to explore different approaches to therapy, and eventually developed the Imago therapy model.

How is it different from other couples therapy?

Unlike traditional couples therapy that often focuses on problem-solving and compromise, Imago therapy emphasises deeper emotional connection between partners.

It helps couples to really listen to each other, understand and validate each other’s feelings using the ‘Imago Dialogue’ technique and to learn how to communicate in a more positive and productive way using 18 different psychological exercises.

Imago therapy also focuses on the realisation that adult romantic relationships have a hidden purpose which is the healing of childhood wounds in each partner.

Hendrix’s theory behind Imago therapy is that many people enter into what he calls “The Unconscious Marriage – a marriage that includes all of the hidden desires and automatic behaviours that are left over from childhood and that inexorably lead couples into conflict.”

Walk us through a typical Imago therapy session?

In an Imago therapy session, the therapist first helps the couple identify the underlying emotions and needs that drive their behaviour. This often involves exploring childhood experiences and patterns that may be influencing the relationship.

Then, the couple takes turns listening to each other without interruption, criticism, or judgement, and then each partner reflecting back, word for word, to each other what they have heard each other say.

This helps each partner feel heard and understood, which can lead to a deeper emotional connection. The Imago therapist teaches the couple how to use the ‘Imago Dialogue’ technique to use outside of therapy sessions to encourage clearer communication skills between each other.

How long does Imago therapy usually take?

The length of therapy varies depending on the couple’s specific needs and goals. Some couples may only need a few sessions to work through specific issues, while others may benefit from more long-term therapy to address deeper, long-standing communication issues in their relationship.

It’s important to note that Imago therapy is not a quick fix, but rather a process of ongoing growth and development.

What issues can Imago therapy help couples with?

Imago therapy can help couples with a wide range of issues, including communication problems, conflicts around parenting, sexual issues, infidelity, and many others. It can also help couples who are struggling to reconnect after a traumatic event or a period of distance.

Imago therapy is particularly effective in addressing patterns of behaviour that are causing conflict and disconnection in the relationship.

How effective is Imago therapy?

Imago therapy has been shown to be highly effective in helping couples improve their relationship satisfaction and communication skills through using the ‘Imago Dialogue’ technique at home.

Many couples report feeling more connected and understanding of each other after completing Imago therapy. Research studies have also found that Imago therapy can lead to significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and decreased levels of distress.

How would couples find an Imago therapist?

Couples can find an Imago therapist by searching online or asking for referrals from friends or family members who have gone through Imago therapy themselves.

There are also many Imago therapy workshops and retreats that couples can attend to learn more about Imago therapy and practise the skills in a group setting.

Of course, if they are in the Liverpool area they could contact me via my website.

What advice would you give to couples considering therapy?

My advice would be to approach Imago therapy with an open mind and a willingness to work on the relationship. Imago therapy can be a powerful tool for improving communication and connection in a relationship, but it requires both partners to be committed to the process.

It’s also important to find a therapist who is trained and experienced in Imago therapy and who you feel comfortable working with.

What happens when one partner is more keen than the other?

It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more enthusiastic about therapy than the other. In fact, it’s quite common for couples to have different levels of motivation and commitment to therapy.

In these cases, I work with the couple to understand the reasons for the differences in motivation and to create a safe and supportive space where both partners feel comfortable sharing their feelings and concerns using the ‘Imago Dialogue’ technique with each other.

It is very important that both partners are committed to attending the course of Imago Couples therapy together and I ask them both to commit to staying in their relationship for the initial 12 weeks of therapy without separating or starting divorce proceedings.

Ultimately, my goal is to create a collaborative and supportive environment where both partners can feel heard, understood, and empowered to work towards improving their relationship.

Scared of Counselling and Psychotherapy?

2022-11-26T00:00:00Z

Understandably, many struggle initially with the idea of going for psychotherapy and counselling. I did it myself.

On one hand, there is the possibility of immense life changing benefits. On the other there is:

The stigma of mental illness.
Shame or fear of being judged or misunderstood.
Privacy and confidentiality concerns.
Financial concerns set against uncertain gains.

Certainly there’s no shortage of research demonstrating the health benefits of psychotherapy, but this evidence is not personal to you and we are all very different.

In fact one of the great joys of the profession is you are never entirely sure what will be achieved through counselling.

Going for therapy is a sign of strength and courage

You may well consider you have problems. Perhaps serious mental health issues. After all, according to the Mental Health Foundation, one in four people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year, and of those, only 30% will access some form of therapy or counselling support.

You may feel you have lost your “mojo” or need to talk to someone who is not personally connected to you.

Whatever the motivation, going for counselling is an act of bravery and maturity. Although it is increasingly popular and considered essential by many, few “seize the day” and take positive action.

Why counselling is safe and non judgmental

Opening up to a stranger hardly seems like the easiest thing to do, but you do this at your own pace.

The job of a psychotherapist is to create an environment of trust. Removing taboos and normalising feelings are all part of the process.

There is not much that can shock an experienced psychotherapist about the human condition and we seek to communicate empathy and validate feelings.

Mostly we are making use of our client’s positive qualities, strengths, and resilience, rather than their weaknesses. There are always plenty, however low the client is presently feeling.

Privacy and confidentiality are the foundations of counselling

We simply have to adhere to strict ethical and legal guidelines to protect our clients’ privacy. No qualified psychotherapist takes this lightly. There are a few exceptions:

Legal requirements: Therapists are required to report any instances of child abuse, elder abuse, or if the client presents a danger to themselves or others. In such cases, the therapist may be required by law to break confidentiality and report the information to the appropriate authorities.
Court orders: In some circumstances, a court may order a therapist to release confidential information, such as in legal proceedings or a criminal trial.
Group therapy: In group therapy, confidentiality may be more challenging to maintain as several people are involved in the therapy session. Therapists should clearly explain the limits of confidentiality in group therapy and emphasise the importance of respecting each other’s privacy.
Electronic communications: Electronic communications, such as email or text messaging, may not be as secure as in-person therapy sessions, and the therapist should advise clients of the risks and limitations of these methods of communication.

Value for Money?

This is perhaps the most difficult to answer. With clear problems it it better and often cheaper to act sooner, but how do you put a price on things like:

Improved mental health.
Better relationships.
Increased self-awareness and
Improved decision-making skills.

Even though psychotherapy and counselling is often used interchangeably there can be a difference in cost and quality.

Psychotherapy typically takes a more in-depth and long-term approach to treatment, focusing on the underlying emotional and psychological issues that may be causing the problem.

Counselling, on the other hand, is typically more focused on addressing specific, immediate concerns and providing practical solutions. The psychotherapy route may take longer and require someone with higher levels of qualification. This makes it hard to judge the costs.

Conclusion

Certainly the act of seeking psychotherapy and counselling can be a daunting experience, but it can also be a life-changing journey.

By understanding the benefits, finding the right therapist, recognising the courage it takes to seek help, and seeking support, individuals can take the first step towards a happier and healthier life. If you are experiencing fear or hesitation in seeking therapy, remember that you are not alone and that help is available.

Formby Counselling

Certified Imago Therapist for Couples in Liverpool

What is Imago Therapy?

How This Benefits You

Psychotherapy and neuroscience: a love story

psychotherapy and neuroscience

Don’t let Anxiety scam you!

Don’t be fooled or scammed!

Image Credits

Walk and Talk Ecotherapy

Tell us a bit more about what walk and talk therapy is?

Can you tell us more about the benefits of walk and talk eco-therapy?

Do you think this kind of therapy is suitable for everyone?

How does walk and talk eco-therapy differ from traditional psychotherapy?

What kind of issues can be addressed through walk and talk eco-therapy?

Tell me about where you conduct your walk and talk eco-therapy sessions?

How can individuals book a session with you?

Overcoming Anxiety with TA therapy

What is your experience working with people who are dealing with anxiety?

Could you explain more how TA therapy can help with anxiety?

What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with anxiety?

Are there other strategies that you use in therapy to help individuals deal with anxiety?

How long does treatment for anxiety typically last, and when should someone consider seeking professional help?

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in helping clients deal with anxiety?

Is there anything else you’d like to share about overcoming anxiety?

Dealing with Depression through TA Therapy

Introduction

What is your experience of working with people coping with depression?

Could you explain how Transactional Analysis therapy can help with depression?

What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with depression?

Are there other techniques you use in therapy to help individuals deal with depression?

How long does treatment for depression typically last, and when should someone consider seeking professional help?

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in helping clients deal with depression?

Do you have any final thoughts or advice for those who may be dealing with depression?

Beating Addiction with Transactional Analysis

Introduction

Could you tell us your experience helping people with addiction?

Could you explain what Transactional Analysis is and how it can help with addiction?

What kind of underlying issues are you talking about?

Could you walk us through what a typical TA session for addiction might look like?

How does TA help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms?

Have you seen success with this method?

Are there any particular challenges that you’ve encountered in using TA for addiction?

What advice would you give to someone struggling with addiction and considering help?

Coping with Loss, Grief and Bereavement

Introduction

What’s your experience helping people to cope with loss?

What is the empty-chair technique is and how it can help with grief?

What advice would you give to someone who is coping with loss or grief?

Are there any other techniques you’ve used in therapy to help with grief?

How long does the grieving process typically last, and when should someone seek help?

What challenges have you encountered in helping clients cope with grief?

Imago Therapy: helping couples improve their relationship.

Introduction

What’s Imago therapy?

How did Imago therapy come about?

How is it different from other couples therapy?

Walk us through a typical Imago therapy session?

How long does Imago therapy usually take?

What issues can Imago therapy help couples with?

How effective is Imago therapy?

How would couples find an Imago therapist?

What advice would you give to couples considering therapy?

What happens when one partner is more keen than the other?

Scared of Counselling and Psychotherapy?

Going for therapy is a sign of strength and courage

Why counselling is safe and non judgmental

Privacy and confidentiality are the foundations of counselling

Value for Money?

Conclusion